Jasper Hale.

 

You truly are one frightening little monster.

 

I can feel what you’re feeling now — and you are worth it.

 

When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken.

 

After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline… challenging.

 

It’s just been my experience that some kinds of working relationships are better motivated by fear than by monetary gain.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Alice Cullen.

 

It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share

 

I’d forgotten how exuberant you are.

 

Your best friend is a werewolf?

 

Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find.

 

Save your remorse for someone who believes it.

 

You don’t get a lot of suicidal vampires.

 

How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?

 

Try not to trip. We don’t have time for a concussion today.

 

Bella’s all about the extreme sports these days.

 

I think she’s having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her.

 

Haven’t you noticed yet, Bella, that Edward is just the teeniest bit prone to overreaction?

 

This hostage stuff is fun.

 

And you ducked your head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said, ‘I’m sorry, ma’am.’

 

You worry too much, Bella. You’re going to go prematurely gray.

 

Overprotective fool.

 

Go play with Edward. I have to get to work.

 

You’d think I was shoving bamboo splinters under your nails.

 

You’ll be my sister officially in ten short hours… it’s about time you get over this aversion to new clothes.

 

Deep breaths, Bella. And try to lower your heart rate. You’re going to sweat off your new face.

 

You promised I could be there the first time! What if you two run past something reflective?

 

I know – I’ll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors.

 

Yes, yes, she always looks gorgeous.

 

I’ll miss you. No matter how short a time you’re gone.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Edward Cullen.

 

No blood, no foul.

 

Someone has to spread the good news that we survived.

 

You think I lifted a van off you?

 

Bella, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.

 

Bella, you are utterly absurd.

 

The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business.

 

It would be more… prudent for you not to be my friend. But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.

 

I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.

 

You’ve got a bit of a temper, don’t you?

 

What if I’m not a superhero? What if I’m the bad guy?

 

Wow, you’re green, Bella.

 

Honestly — I’ve seen corpses with better color. I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder.

 

Go sit down and look pale.

 

Don’t be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So… try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?

 

Do I dazzle you?

 

I hope you were more creative this time… or are you still stealing from comic books?

 

Only you could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know.

 

I’ve never tried to keep a specific person alive before, and it’s much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that’s probably just because it’s you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes.

 

I hear voices in my mind and you’re worried that you’re the freak.

 

Enough commentary on my driving.

 

And you accused me of dazzling people — poor Jacob Black.

 

We all like to drive fast.

 

Jessica’s analyzing everything I do — she’ll break it down for you later.

 

Are you referring to the fact that you can’t walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?

 

Be safe.

 

Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?

 

So you’re worried about the trouble it might cause me — if you don’t come home?

 

How easily frustrated I am.

 

Who were you, an insignificant little girl, to chase me from the place I wanted to be?

 

At the time, all I could think was, ‘Not her.’

 

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…

 

What a sick, masochistic lion.

 

Come on, little coward, climb on my back.

 

You’re as white as a ghost — no, you’re as white as me!

 

Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?

 

Regardless - I have better reflexes.

 

I was curious about you.

 

If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it.

 

Mind over matter.

 

Bring on the shackles — I’m your prisoner.

 

You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that’s surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what’s that worth?

 

You are a terrible actress — I’d say that career path is out for you.

 

I won’t leave you.

 

I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse.

 

I may not be a human, but I am a man.

 

Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it.

 

You’re not usually this confused in the morning.

 

You are utterly indecent — no one should look so tempting, it’s not fair.

 

You are so absurd.

 

Shall I explain how you are tempting me?

 

What am I going to do with you? Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!

 

And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?

 

Actually, Esme wouldn’t care if you had a third eye and webbed feet.

 

No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don’t even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you.

 

I could walk home faster than this truck moves.

 

It seems I’m going to have to tamper with your memory.

 

Damn it, Bella! You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.

 

Bella was being unintentionally funny.

 

Could you believe that, despite everything I’ve put you through, I love you, too?

 

Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…

 

Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence.

 

Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you.

 

I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that’s the end of it.

 

I’m sorry if there’s been some kind of miscommunication, but Bella is unavailable tonight. To be perfectly honest, she’ll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned. No offense. And I’m sorry about your evening.

 

When someone wants to kill you, you’re brave as a lion — and then when someone mentions dancing…

 

Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut — that hardly deserves the death penalty.

 

You’re greedy tonight.

 

Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.

 

You’re not good for me, Bella.

 

Well, I won’t forget. But my kind… we’re very easily distracted.

 

I’m a good liar, Bella. I have to be.

 

After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?

 

Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night.

 

You’re wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it’s a joke.

 

Well, I’m nearly a hundred and ten. It’s time I settled down.

 

Because she’d rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married.

 

So eager for eternal damnation.

 

I’m a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don’t make the same mistake twice. I’m here until she orders me away.

 

If we could bottle your luck, we’d have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands.

 

If I’d never left, you wouldn’t feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a dog.

 

Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I’ll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help.

 

I wasn’t about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would survive.

 

I’d wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I’d run you back to the scene of the accident, and we’d stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.

 

You aren’t exactly the best judge of what is or isn’t dangerous.

 

Well… don’t be offended, but you smell like a dog.

 

I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often.

 

I prefer brunettes.

 

You’re quite adorable when you’re jealous. It’s surprisingly enjoyable.

 

Jasper is sort of an expert on young vampires.

 

I was rather under the impression that you’d promised to ask my permission to go to some kind of werewolf soirée tonight.

 

You look… sexy.

 

How can someone so tiny by so annoying?

 

Would you please tell me what you are thinking? Before I go mad?

 

Jasper shows up, covered in battle scars, towing this little freak who greets them all by name, knows everything about them, and wants to know which room she can move into.

 

Damn it. Damn Laurent to the deepest pit of hell where he belongs.

 

Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him.

 

I’m not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella.

 

She is mine. I didn’t say I would fight fair.

 

To think it’s come to this, though! Trusting werewolves!

 

The way you regard me is ludicrous.

 

He thinks my translations leave something to be desired. What he actually thought was, ‘That’s really stupid. What is there to be worried about?’ I edited, because I thought it was rude.

 

But I thought it was a good representation. It’s hard and cold. And it throws rainbows in the sunlight.

 

Bella. Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?

 

You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted… my virtue is all I have left

 

Yes, but you’re such a bad liar that it doesn’t really count. Nobody believes you.

 

I had no right to want you — but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what’s become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire.

 

You’re about to make my life harder than it needs to be, Alice.

 

I’ve got a first aid kit. I had a feeling I might need it.

 

I don’t see you making yourself useful. Why don’t you go fetch a space heater or something?

 

Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts?

 

Odd as this might sound, I suppose I’m glad you’re here, Jacob.

 

You know, Jacob, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re natural enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.

 

Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?

 

But, if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten of the best nights of my life. Dream about that.

 

Truce over.

 

It’s just that he would have kissed you anyway — even if you hadn’t fallen for it — and now I don’t have an excuse to break his face. I would have really enjoyed that, too.

 

You’re such a bad liar, you’ll believe anyone who has the least bit of skill.

 

Bella, can you drop the rock, please? Carefully. Don’t hurt yourself.

 

I just beheaded and dismembered a sentient creature not twenty yards from you. That doesn’t bother you?

 

You know that you nearly gave me a heart attack? Not the easiest thing to do, that.

 

Stop fidgeting, Bella. Please try to remember that you’re not confessing to a murder here.

 

Go away, Alice.

 

You’re awfully small to be so hugely irritating.

 

Do not say the word fine. If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine.

 

We’re just lucky it was the pillows and not you.

 

You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved.

 

So you seduced your all-too-willing husband. That’s not a capital offense.

 

Very honeymoonish.

 

I don’t know… I’ve already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair – maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday.

 

I think it might be safer if it’s premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again.

 

Maybe it would be more polite to wait until we’re alone. You may not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them.

 

I’m not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black. You’ll have to have a little patience.

 

Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself.

 

Um… carefully, Bella. Ow.

 

Now it’s your turn to not break me.

 

It goes against the grain, letting you wrestle with lions.

 

Jacob isn’t suffering. Though I might be willing to change his condition.

 

Maybe I’m hoping she’ll get irritated and rip your head off.

 

It’s just because he tastes better than the rest of us.

 

Why don’t you just tell me who wins?

 

I think it might be more fun if Jacob was awake for the big reveal, don’t you agree? So that someone there is able to express the right level of enthusiasm?

 

Just a few seconds more, Bella. Then she’ll go annoy someone else.

 

Emmett would have you believe that I’m such a know-it-all because of the mind reading, but the truth is that I’ve just had a lot of free time.

 

No, I don’t care if you bite Jacob. That’s fine.

 

It’s a little dense, don’t you think, to antagonize the strongest vampire in the house?

 

You know how Jasper is – he can’t resist a good emotional climate. You’re so happy all the time, love, he gravitates toward you without thinking.

 

We don’t know what she saw. Alice is neither unfeeling nor a coward. She just has more information than we do.

 

Goodbye, Jacob, my brother… my son.

 

Aro, would you ask Jane to stop attacking my wife?

 

High school. Or was purgatory the right word?

 

We had to stick together, Alice and I. It wasn’t easy, hearing voices or seeing visions of the future. Both freaks among those who were already freaks. We protected each other’s secrets.

 

Though Rosalie and Emmett were more flagrant about their relationship, it was Alice and Jasper who knew each other’s every mood as well as their own. As if they could read minds, too – only just each other’s.

 

It used to be nearly impossible to escape her constant, ridiculous daydreams. I’d wished, at the time, that I could explain to her exactly what would have happened if my lips, and the teeth behind them, had gotten anywhere near her. That would have silenced those annoying fantasies.

 

Her glance met mine, and I saw myself reflected in the wide mirror of her eyes. The shock of the face I saw there saved her life for a few thorny moments.

 

Hating her, hating how she made me feel – it helped a little.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Bella Swan/Cullen.

 

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

 

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.

 

My mother is part albino.

 

I tried to be diplomatic, but mostly I just lied a lot.

 

When I came here as a child, he would always remove the bullets as soon as he walked in the door. I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose.

 

Once people start throwing wet stuff, I go inside.

 

When he touched me, it stung my hand as if an electric current had passed through us.

 

Hasn’t anyone ever told you? Life isn’t fair.

 

I stared straight ahead as I passed the Volvo, but from a peripheral peek, I would swear I saw him laughing.

 

If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid.

 

I don’t like to lie – so there’d better be a good reason why I’m doing it.

 

That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.

 

I considered taking out the rear of his shiny Volvo, but there were too many witnesses.

 

I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not irritating me to death.

 

Are you trying to be funny?

 

Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.

 

I can’t imagine why that would be frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you what they’re thinking, even if all the while they’re making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?

 

I was mentally calculating my chances of reaching the truck before he could catch me. I had to admit, they weren’t good.

 

I tried to maintain what dignity I could as I got into his car. I wasn’t very successful — I looked like a half-drowned cat and my boots squeaked.

 

So it was going to be one of those days.

 

All I caught was that one of the girls was also named Jessica, and the boy who noticed me was named Jacob.

 

But I really did like Jacob. He was someone I could easily be friends with.

 

I think… and if you ever repeat what I’m saying right now I will cheerfully beat you to death, but I think that would hurt Jessica’s feelings.

 

Do you think that if I ran him over with my truck he would stop feeling guilty about the accident? That he might give up on making amends and call it even?

 

Stupid, unreliable vampire.

 

I’m going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?

 

He’s telling everyone that he’s taking me to prom — either he’s insane or he’s still trying to make up for almost killing me last… well, you remember it, and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we’re even, and he can’t keep trying to make amends.

 

I had a feeling Edward wasn’t the kind of person anyone got used to.

 

I thought we were past all the evasiveness.

 

I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away.

 

I decided it didn’t matter.

 

Don’t laugh — but how can you come out during the daytime?

 

I fall down a lot when I run.

 

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

 

It was a colossal tribute to his face that it kept my eyes away from his body.

 

One side of his mouth pulled up into my favorite uneven smile.

 

How very inconvenient his little talent could be — when it wasn’t saving my life.

 

I do have some trouble with incoherency when I’m around him.

 

But outside the door to our Spanish class, leaning against the wall — looking more like a Greek god than anyone had a right to — Edward was waiting for me.

 

I’m not surprised you heard something you didn’t like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers.

 

No one has tried to do away with me today.

 

Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear.

 

He knows I’ve been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he’ll think I fell in the washer.

 

Should I say ‘have fun,’ or is that the wrong sentiment?

 

I promise to try to be safe. I’ll do the laundry tonight — that ought to be fraught with peril.

 

This truck is old enough to be your car’s grandfather — have some respect.

 

So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of heroin?

 

What are you asking? My permission?

 

You already know how I feel, of course. I’m here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you.

 

What a stupid lamb.

 

Will you turn into a bat?

 

He hesitated — not in the normal way, the human way. Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her reaction, to see how he would be received. Perhaps he would hesitate to prolong the moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself. Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still in control of his need. And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.

 

Take it easy — my truck is a senior citizen.

 

Just give me a minute to restart my heart.

 

Can I have a minute to be human?

 

Would you like a round of applause?

 

Yeah, it’s an off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.

 

Let me get this straight — I’m the baby seal, right?

 

He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.

 

Well, it’s no irritable grizzly…

 

I doubted there were any etiquette books detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family.

 

I think I forgot to breathe.

 

You can’t spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything.

 

You’re still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren’t you?

 

Don’t embarrass me with all the boyfriend talk, okay?

 

I hope you’re getting the Spanish Inquisition out of your system now.

 

Enough humor at my expense. Let’s go.

 

I knew there was a second part to my brilliant defense, but I couldn’t quite call it back.

 

Go team!

 

Three things seemed to happen simultaneously while Carlisle was speaking. My hair ruffled with the light breeze, Edward stiffened, and the second male, James, suddenly whipped his head around, scrutinizing me, his nostrils flaring.

 

I felt moisture filling up my eyes as I looked at Emmett. I barely knew him, and yet, somehow, not knowing when I would see him again after tonight was anguishing.

 

My guilt slowly subsided as I looked into her dark eyes. But, even as the calm spread over me, I knew I couldn’t trust my feelings with Jasper there.

 

And what if you get hurt, Alice? Do you think that’s okay with me? Do you think it’s only my human family he can hurt me with?

 

Don’t I taste as good as I smell?

 

I was not finished kissing you. Don’t make me come over there.

 

You stole a car?

 

Why didn’t you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you.

 

I can’t always be Lois Lane. I want to be Superman, too.

 

If you’re waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I’ve got news for you! I was just there!

 

You’re not the only vampire I know.

 

I’m betting on Alice.

 

I’m not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do.

 

Emmett enjoyed having me around — he thought my bizarre human reactions were hilarious… or maybe it was just the fact that I fell down a lot that he found so funny.

 

This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen.

 

Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?

 

Oh, I’m with the vampires, of course.

 

In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will?

 

Well, Gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It’s just something he does in the sun. Don’t worry about it…

 

College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…

 

He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance.

 

You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car.

 

Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.

 

What is a Volturi?

 

What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off myself?

 

Emmett, Edward’s playful bear of a brother, I did miss. He was in many ways just like the big brother I’d always wanted… only much, much more terrifying.

 

If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?

 

Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm — into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.

 

Why are you so masochistic?

 

How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?

 

Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?

 

Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood for normal human behavior today.

 

You… don’t… want me?

 

Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman’s term for people who heard voices in their heads. Possible.

 

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.

 

Reckless in Forks—now there was a hopeless proposition.

 

Sometimes, kismet happens.

 

Who would want to ride a motorcycle here? It would be like taking a sixty-mile-per-hour bath.

 

I’d forgotten how much I really liked Jacob Black.

 

Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education.

 

Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I’d have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement.

 

It’s not my fault you’re a freak.

 

By the time we got back to La Push, I was twenty-three and he was thirty—he was definitely weighting skills in his favor.

 

The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it.

 

Had all the people she was habitually nasty to caught her behind the gym and scalped her?

 

It was strange for me, being this close—emotionally rather than physically, though the physical was strange for me, too—to another human being. It wasn’t my usual style. I didn’t normally relate to people so easily, on such a basic level. Not human beings.

 

Let’s not start with the albino cracks.

 

Did you know, you’re sort of beautiful?

 

I’m in the mood for action. Bring on the blood and guts!

 

I folded my arms tightly across my chest and hoped that both their hands fell asleep.

 

Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?

 

One thing I truly knew—knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you.

 

I wasn’t really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear.

 

Granted, the wolf was monstrous in size, but it was just an animal. What reason would a vampire have for fearing an animal?

 

What was with the Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones?

 

There was a darkness in Jacob now. Like my sun had imploded.

 

Are you… breaking up with me?

 

Sam Uley says Jacob can’t be my friend anymore.

 

When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie’s tree?

 

Wasn’t one myth enough for anyone, enough for a lifetime?

 

Could you… well, try to not be a… werewolf?

 

These were just four really big half-naked boys.

 

If I’m silly, then you’re dangerously unbalanced.

 

It hurts to think about them. It’s like I can’t breathe… like I’m breaking into pieces.

 

What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that.

 

Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren’t coming to get you.

 

Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don’t smell!

 

Sheesh, Alice. Could you pick a more conspicuous car to steal?

 

I wasn’t going to make it. I was stupid and slow and human, and we were all going to die because of it.

 

It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole.

 

To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful—insanity.

 

Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?

 

It was heaven—right smack in the middle of hell.

 

I’d forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably.

 

It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that.

 

His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn’t fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met.

 

Hold on a second. I think I’m having an epiphany here.

 

They fight. Paris falls.

 

Let me go! I’m going to murder him! Traitor!

 

I could imagine the frustration pulling his black eyebrows together and crumpling his forehead. If I’d been there, I might have laughed. Don’t give yourself a brain hemorrhage, Jacob, I would have told him. Just spit it out.

 

It worked — your cooking skills have me soft as a marshmallow.

 

You and Billy gossip like old women.

 

I’m shocked, Sheriff. That’s a federal crime.

 

I want to be a monster, too.

 

I think it’s something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart — not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end…

 

I’m sure I still have boundaries — like the continental U.S., for example.

 

If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing Edward.

 

I knew I had about three seconds before he would sigh and slide me deftly away, saying something about how we’d risked my life enough for one afternoon.

 

I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.

 

You know how I am with tools. No pain was inflicted intentionally.

 

You’re a rotten liar, Dad.

 

Edward and Alice playing chess was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen. They’d sat there nearly motionless, staring at the board, while Alice foresaw the moves he would make and he picked the moves she would make in return out of her head. They played most of the game in their minds; I think they’d each moved two pawns when Alice suddenly flicked her king over and surrendered. It took all of three minutes.

 

Please tell me you are not trying to have a sex talk with me, Charlie.

 

So the consensus was that I was just supposed to forget that a deranged vampire was stalking me, intent on my death.

 

For some reason — impending mania, perhaps — this really irritated me.

 

Can you listen, or will you be interrupting me with rude comments about my friends?

 

Being apart… It didn’t work out so well for either of us.

 

What is a valid reason for someone to love someone else? Since apparently I’m doing it wrong.

 

Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day! Damn it! What kind of world is this? Where’s the justice?

 

I’m a pro at weird.

 

Edward’s never in my head. He only wishes.

 

Er… so, I’m still alive.

 

You made the treaty — you stick to it.

 

I believe that. But I want you to know something — when it comes to all this enemies nonsense, I’m out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are… well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don’t care who’s a werewolf and who’s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too.

 

You’re kidnapping me, aren’t you?

 

Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.

 

Why don’t you just lock me in the basement, and forget the sugar coating?

 

So what’s the latest pack scandal?

 

We can’t all be freakishly strong.

 

If I get hurt, it was because I tripped.

 

I traded a lifetime of servitude for a box of conversation hearts. That’s not something I’m likely to forget.

 

I’m going to spontaneously combust one of these days — and you’ll have no one but yourself to blame.

 

I don’t mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again.

 

If you’re going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it.

 

Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes… or hours.

 

I was frustrated. Against my better judgment, I was still human.

 

There’s… well, there’s this other problem that’s slightly more worrisome than a bratty teenage werewolf…

 

I’m not worried about anyone who would be deterred by a locked door.

 

Is it really so impossible to wear clothes, Jacob?

 

Do you have a medical degree that you never told me about?

 

What’s the best part? You swallowing an entire cow whole?

 

I’ll be there. And I’ll hate every minute of it. Promise.

 

Emmett sighed theatrically, and plopped down on the couch to wait with exaggerated impatience.

 

I hope he snaps your neck, you pushy, obnoxious, moronic DOG!

 

I’ll give you passionate. Murder, the ultimate crime of passion.

 

I punched a werewolf in the face.

 

I guess I could throw in a few extra homicides, if it makes Jasper happy. Why not?

 

Stupid, thieving, annoying vampire!

 

I can’t imagine how awful that must feel. Being normal? Ugh.

 

Well, everyone can relax. Nobody’s trying to exterminate the Cullens after all.

 

Please don’t get all weepy on me.

 

Okay, so telling Edward had been a really bad idea.

 

I saw Emmett grin at Mike over the food table, the red lights gleaming off his teeth, and watched Mike take an automatic step back.

 

In case my right hook was too subtle for you, let me translate: that was me uninviting you.

 

I didn’t have the faintest idea how to be seductive. I would just have to settle for flushed and self-conscious.

 

I doubted if awkward, self-conscious, and inept added up to desirable in anyone’s book.

 

I already know how strong you are. You didn’t have to break the furniture.

 

You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama — twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl’s virtue.

 

That’s it, isn’t it? You’re trying to protect your virtue!

 

Let’s never die, all right?

Show me the damn ring, Edward.

 

I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be willing to take a bet against you, Alice, but it has arrived.

 

But I don’t count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.

 

Leave it

--------------------------------------------------------------

Bella Swan/Cullen Continued:

Leave it to you to ruin the moment.

 

Why are you so much furrier than your friends?

 

Yes. I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn’t want to leave any part of him unharmed.

 

Edward would never see me shed another tear for Jacob Black.

 

Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back.

 

That’s why it was so impossible to tell him goodbye — because I was in love with him. Too.

 

I lay facedown across the sleeping bag, waiting for justice to find me. Maybe an avalanche would bury me here. I wished it would. I never wanted to have to see my face in the mirror again.

 

First, because you are bizarrely moral for a vampire.

 

I wasn’t sure how I heard the low sound with all the other noises echoing off the stone wall and hammering inside my head. My own heartbeat should have been enough to drown it out. But, in the split second that I stared into Victoria’s eyes, I thought I heard a familiar, exasperated sigh.

 

Why didn’t anyone ever try to kill me when I wanted to die?

 

Silly Jacob — don’t you know better than to believe vampire stories?

 

I probably won’t think she’s good enough for you. I wonder how jealous I’ll be.

 

I know who I can’t live without.

 

It was still considered rude to stare at people, wasn’t it? Didn’t that apply to me anymore?

 

I miss my truck.

 

Body armor. Four thousand pounds of body armor. And missile-proof glass? Nice. What had happened to good old-fashioned bulletproof?

 

The phrase “bite my head off” was not entirely a figure of speech when it came to Leah.

 

Wait till he hangs his gun up!

 

Charlie’s mouth twisted to the side. Looking for an angle to argue from. But what could he say? I’d prefer you live in sin first? He was a dad; his hands were tied.

 

The ultimate doom: telling Renée. Early marriage was higher up on her blacklist than boiling live puppies.

 

But this is the dress rehearsal, and we’ve only practiced certain scenes. It’s no time for playing it safe.

 

I’ll miss my friends, too. Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?

 

I clutched him closer for one second and then released him. I didn’t have a prayer of winning a tug-of-war with Emmett.

 

Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You’re not taking him to a strip club, are you?

 

I’d never seen Tanya before, but I was sure that meeting her wouldn’t be a pleasant experience for my ego.

 

Don’t let me fall, Dad.

 

One scorching hug stood out from all the others – Seth Clearwater had braved the throng of vampires to stand in for my lost werewolf friend.

 

I feel just horrible, leaving you to cook for yourself – it’s practically criminal negligence. You could arrest me.

 

I’d never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Jacob.

 

Alice is an unstoppable force of nature.

 

By the way, I love you.

 

Oh well, I thought to myself. He was a vampire, after all. Maybe we were going to Atlantis.

 

Who gives an island as a gift?

 

Did my skin burst into flames? I had to look down to check. Nope, nothing was burning. At least, not visibly.

 

I didn’t know how or when, but someday, Alice was going to pay for this.

 

Don’t be afraid. We belong together.

 

My first instinct, the product of a lifetime of insecurities, was to wonder what I had done wrong.

 

Why am I covered in feathers?

 

You… bit a pillow? Why?

 

You are killing my buzz, Edward.

 

The pillows all appear to have survived.

 

I don’t spend my free time plotting like some people do. What can we do to wear Bella out today?

 

Beautiful women only? Well, that was kind of flattering.

 

Yes, I’m sure a movie will convince her that you’re human.

 

I had another idea for burning calories.

 

I’m a little worried about Edward… Can vampires go into shock?

 

Behave. And then come back.

 

Did you know that ‘I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob? His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’

 

Not pleasant? Gosh, that’ll be such a change.

 

So, who’s going to catch me a grizzly bear?

 

Stop being a jerk, Jacob.

 

We got off track, Jake.

 

You’ve been holding out on me.

 

I guess my brain will never work right. At least I’m pretty.

 

We have all eternity, and you’re worried about the time it would take to walk to the back door?

 

Why are you laughing at me?

 

Huh. I can see what everyone’s been going on about. You stink, Jacob.

 

He’s not telling it right. He left out the part where I growled at him.

 

You stupid mutt! You could you! My baby!

 

You think you’ll be part of my family as my son-in-law!

 

You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?

 

It rankled to realize over and over again how much I owed Jacob when I just wanted to be mad at him.

 

No. No way! No, this doesn’t count. I stopped aging three days ago. I am eighteen forever.

 

I wasn’t afraid of hitting a tree; the tree would be the only one getting hurt in that scenario.

 

You’re giving me a house for my birthday?

 

I sighed. My baby, the sea serpent. Maybe there was no help for it. Well, I wasn’t giving in.

 

I gritted my teeth and reminded myself of the negative consequences when I’d let my temper get away from me yesterday. Of course, Emmett wasn’t as breakable as Seth…

 

You have thirty seconds to tell me every single word before I give Renesmee to Rosalie and rip your miserable head off. Seth won’t be able to stop me this time.

 

If I don’t kill Charlie tonight, I’ll consider forgiving you for this.

 

I’m actually holding her so that my hands aren’t free to kill you, Jacob

 

Emmett, how do you feel about a little bet?

 

It’s not going to wear off that fast. Maybe you ought to give it a month.

 

He was both dazzling and dazzled.

 

Jacob was more a child than Renesmee sometimes.

 

It’s over. We’ve all been sentenced to die.

 

Emmett cussed loud enough that Jacob lurched to his feet with a growl. In the yard, his growl was echoed by his pack. My family was already a blur of action.

 

The whole imprinted-werewolf-gives-the-object-of-his-imprinting-whatever-she-wants thing was getting old pretty fast.

 

So this was what it felt like to cry.

 

I was a tiny bit special, in my own way – if having a supernaturally thick skull could really be considered special.

 

Now my hands were free, and if Kate wanted to keep her hands attached to her wrists, she’d better keep her distance.

 

There was no way Jacob would voluntarily miss an afternoon with Renesmee sans bloodsuckers.

 

I’m not really a fan of drugs, and neither is my husband. Just say no and all that.

 

You could always count on werewolves to be buzzed about a coming fight, no matter how suicidal.

 

The shield blew out from me in a bubble of sheer energy, a mushroom cloud of liquid steel. It pulsed like a living thing – I could feel it, from the apex to the edges.

 

Emmett, because he was dying to go. Jacob, because he wouldn’t be able to bear being left behind. Both nodded. Emmett grinned.

 

It was one thing to know that death was coming with fierce, unstoppable speed; it was another thing to watch it happen.

 

I love you, too, Jake. You’ll always be my best man.

 

Edward took my hand. He knew that he was included. When I said my fate, there was no question that I meant the two of us. We were just halves of the whole.

 

I am all over this.

 

Aro was never more dangerous than when he was gracious.

 

So there are real werewolves? With the full moon and silver bullets and all that?

 

This was about my acting skills?

 

I knew it was working then, so I concentrated even harder, dredging up specific memories I’d saved for this moment, letting them flood my mind, and hopefully his as well. Some of the memories were not clear – dim human memories, seen through weak eyes and heard through weak ears: the first time I’d seen his face… the way it felt when he’d held me in the meadow… the sound of his voice through the darkness of my faltering consciousness when he’d saved me from James… his face as he waited under a canopy of flowers to marry me… every precious moment from the island… his cold hands touching our baby through my skin… And the sharp memories, perfectly recalled: his face when I’d opened my eyes to my new life, to the endless dawn of immortality… that first kiss… that first night…

 

Now you know. No one’s ever loved anyone as much as I love you.

[DAMN. that took forever. I'll continue this later :P Enjoy!]

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[Or not! :P lawl..Rosalie! That b...]

Rosalie Hale.

 

I’m so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you’ll forgive me.

 

I don’t mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It’s just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me.

 

If we had happy endings, we’d all be under gravestones now.

 

Admiration was like air to me, Bella. I was silly and shallow, but I was content.

 

You know, my record is almost as clean as Carlisle’s. Better than Esme. A thousand times better than Edward. I’ve never tasted human blood.

 

I did murder five humans. If you can really call them human. But I was very careful not to spill their blood — I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist that, and I didn’t want any part of them in me, you see.

 

I don’t want Edward that way, Bella. I never did — I love him as a brother, but he’s irritated me from the first moment I heard him speak. You have to understand, though . . . I was so used to people wanting me. And Edward wasn’t the least bit interested. It frustrated me, even offended me in the beginning. But he never wanted anyone, so it didn’t bother me long. Even when we first met Tanya’s clan in Denali — all those females! — Edward never showed the slightest preference. And then he met you.

 

Edward has always been a little strange.

 

You don’t want to be rash about permanent things, Bella.

 

I apologize for being such a monster. I’ll try to behave myself from now on.

 

I know you’re frustrated that he’s keeping you locked up like this, but don’t give him too bad a time when he gets back. He loves you more than you know. It terrifies him to be away from you.

 

Over my pile of ashes.

 

Where’s the flood, mutt?

 

About time. The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little tired.

 

Oh, wonderful. I knew I smelled something nasty.

 

Enjoy, mongrel.

 

You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair.

 

Ew. Someone put the dog out.

 

I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don’t forget that.

 

I’ll help him toss you, dog. I owe you a good kick in the gut.

 

The more time he spends here, the less chance there is that we’ll ever get the smell out.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Emmett Cullen.

 

Eerie, isn’t it?

 

She’s diabolical.

 

You haven’t changed at all. I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always.

 

I have to step out for a second. Don’t do anything funny while I’m gone.

 

It doesn’t count until she’s conscious, Rose.

 

I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with you around.

 

Fall down again, Bella?

 

I’ll try not to break anything.

 

If you don’t send Edward out, we’re coming in after him!

 

You’re monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush.

 

Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort.

 

Did ya get in a couple of good swipes?

 

Aw, what a waste. And here you’re probably the one person who could take him – since he can’t get in your head to cheat – and you had a perfect excuse, too. I’ve been dying to see how he’d do without that advantage.

 

So it’s still standing? I would’ve thought you two had knocked it to rubble by now. What were you doing last night? Discussing the national debt?

 

I’m sure you’ll ace your classes… apparently there’s nothing interesting for you to do at night besides study.

 

‘Bout time somebody scored around here.

 

I’m not even sure she’s really a vampire, let alone a newborn. She’s too tame.

 

Oooo, scary.

 

You gonna back down so easy, little sister? Not much wild about you, is there? I bet that cottage doesn’t have a scratch. Did Edward tell you how many houses Rose and I smashed?

 

Chill, Bella.

 

I’m not going down without a fight.

 

Hard to feel confident when you’re surrounded by horse-sized wolves.

--------------------------------------------------------------

[I LOVE YOU, LEAH!]

Leah Clearwater.

 

This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to me? I don’t even like Bella Swan. And you’ve got me grieving over this leech-lover like I’m in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

 

Claim this, moron.

 

It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? I’m joining your crappy little renegade pack. The vampires’ guard dogs.

 

Wanna race, O fearless leader?

 

Shut up, Jacob. Oops, I’m sorry – I mean, shut up, most high Alpha.

 

You think I’m just going to sit home while my little brother volunteers as a vampire chew toy?

 

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

 

That will be my goal, then – to be less annoying than Paul.

 

Look who’s getting all paternal.

 

Despite my best efforts, I’ve seen you naked before – doesn’t do much for me, so no worries.

 

That is easily the freakin’ grossest thing I’ve heard in my life. Yuck. If there was anything in my stomach, it would be coming back.

 

Mom dropped him a lot when he was a baby.

 

Wouldn’t want our precious parasites taking unnecessary chances.

 

Ah, sweet success.

 

I think you make a good Alpha. Not in the same way Sam does, but in your own way. You’re worth following, Jacob.

 

I’m happier now, as a part of your pack, than I have been in years.

 

Wow, this is going to sound bad. But, honestly, it will be easier to deal with your pain than face mine.

 

I know it’s going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that – maybe better than you think. I don’t like her, but… she’s your Sam. She’s everything you want and everything you can’t have.

 

At least Sam is happy. At least he’s alive and well. I love him enough that I want that. I want him to have what’s best for him. I just don’t want to stick around to watch.

 

I wasn’t born a compassionless shrew. I used to be sort of nice, you know.

 

I understand why your blond vampire is so cold – in the figurative sense. She’s focused. She’s got her eye on the prize, right? Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.

 

That’s the funny thing about knowing you can’t have something. It makes you desperate.

--------------------------------------------------------------

[Love you too, Seth!]

Seth Clearwater.

 

I’m no Alice – you’re just predictable.

 

You’ll hurt her. Let her go.

 

Wait up. My legs aren’t as long as yours.

 

I didn’t follow you because I was after a promotion.

 

You want me to be all doom and gloom, or just shut up?

 

Nobody out there. All’s quiet on the western front.

 

Alice wants you, too. She says she’s tired of hanging out in the attic like a bat in the belfry.

 

I mean, at least you didn’t bite me or anything. That would’ve sucked.

 

Lucky thing Ness – Renesmee’s not venomous. ‘Cause she bites Jake all the time.

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